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Personality Disorders: The Narcissist

Understanding different personalities help us protect ourselves, teaches us how to deal with people who have these personalities and how they might affect our lives.

Narcissism is actually very common to some degree, but it depends how it affects daily life.

We have to think:

  • How do we react to criticism? Do we go on the defence and justify the criticism? OR Do we learn from mistakes and experience?
  • How do we behave towards how others feel? Are we considerate? OR Do we gloat on our superiority and criticise that person?
  • How do we view ourselves? Do we recognise our faults? OR Do we feel we have no faults or do not recognise them?
  • What do we look to achieve in life? Do we work towards selfless goals and have positive plans for the future? OR Do we want constant attention and drama in our lives?
  • How do we treat others? Do we work towards what we want with consideration for others? OR Do we exploit others to get what we want?
  • How do we feel about ourselves? Do we feel equal to others? OR Do we feel we are entitled to special treatment and that we are better than those around us?

We all have a certain amount of narcissism in us but it depends on how harmful it is to the people around us.

The person who is a Narcissist is focused on themselves through vanity. They are only interested in their own physical and intellectual characteristics. It is very high levels of self-confidence but underneath are very insecure and feel threatened by others achievements. They lack the compassion and humility of normal, balanced people. They are defensive towards others, especially if their self-esteem has been threatened by someone and as a result, they will become hostile to that person. It is very destructive to society and the people around them.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

We can all have traits of narcissism but with Narcissistic Personality Disorder it is more severe and the Narcissist damages their relationships with the people around them. They think they are the most important people in the world who deserve special treatment. They think they are the only priority because they feel they are more important and they should be dealt with first. They are always seeking attention and appreciation from others. What really scares me the most and is very dangerous about one of the traits, they have a total lack of empathy for others. They manipulate people and treat other people in a negative way. An example of this lack of empathy could be being critical towards another person, maybe because of a haircut that the Narcissist does not like, the person being criticised tells the Narcissist that they have hurt their feelings and rather than the Narcissist reflecting or apologising for their actions they disregard the victims feelings because they feel that the haircut hurts their feelings and not the victims as they don’t like it. They are very selfish, manipulative and too self-assertive. Assertiveness is about putting your point across without being aggressive, having reflection and respecting others. However, the Narcissist is aggressive in putting their point across and they put others down to make themselves look better. It is about jealousy, competition and comparison. An extreme Narcissist denies or is unaware of their condition so they will not seek treatment.

What causes Narcissism?

It is not fully known what causes Narcissism, however, there are a few factors that could be the cause such as genetic, parenting, society and culture.

How To Identify A Narcissist

These are the qualities that identify a Narcissist:

  • They have very extremes of self-confidence, self-absorption and self-praise.
  • They manipulate others to get what they want.
  • They brag about things in their life if they have nothing to brag about they become angry and hostile towards others.
  • They hang around the people who agree with them, give them praise and admiration.
  • They are snobs who put others down and talk behind their backs.
  • They are unaware of their extreme behaviour as they are unable to reflect.
  • They think their behaviour is acceptable and find it difficult when someone does not like them or does not agree with them.
  • They manipulate others to achieve their goals and to cover up their real selves. Once they have got what they want out of you, you get dismissed and they will not want anything to do with you.
  • They don’t like criticism. If you criticise them they will become very hostile. Some will accept this face on but will be very bitter about it underneath.
  • They will not spend time with people unconditionally, they are more likely to spend time with people they get something out of. They want to satisfy their own selfish desires.
  • They are very judgmental.
  • Have a very jealous nature.
  • They are hostile and aggressive if they are criticised or fail at something.
  • They are the focus of every conversation and take over.
  • They always want to feel superior.

The patterns of behaviour with a Narcissist and a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are the extremes. People with a healthy self-esteem will get success in life such as getting jobs and accomplishments but they consider other peoples feelings and help others. They have self-respect. Most people who have their feelings hurt don’t act out with anger and rage. Healthy people are not cruel to people if they do not give them what they want. Healthy people do not exploit others, do not gossip spread and start rumours that will harm other people’s reputations. Healthy people do not act the victim and they accept responsibility for their mistakes.


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How To Deal With A Narcissist

Dealing with a Narcissist is very difficult. If it causes significant harm the best way is to spend little time as possible with them or walk out of the relationship altogether. A good way to deal with them is to have compassion. In the end, the Narcissist has feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred towards themselves. However, this does not mean allowing them to do what they want to you. Having an attitude that is non-responsive is best. Narcissists love drama so don’t give it to them. Give them genuine praise on the qualities they do have. Be more docile in criticism. Don’t demand or expect support as a Narcissist is unable to provide it. Offer them support and a way to get help. However, some Narcissists do not recognise they have a problem so this is easier said than done. Above all keep your emotions neutral and give no emotional reaction. Keep your dignity and don’t sink to their level, leave them to look stupid.

My final point is that most people have some mild levels of Narcissism, however, this does not mean they are a Narcissist or have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It comes down to how extreme is their behaviour. If they have no empathy towards others, take great enjoyment out of harming others and are unable to recognise this, we have to consider how much time we want to spend with this person.

Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 11 to chapter 14.

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My Diary: Having Good Habits for Success

I have returned from a fantastic training event with Dave O’Connor. It was a one-day event so I took the opportunity to attend to learn great habits for my business.


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The first habit I learned was having good self-talk. If we think every morning how we want to be that day, it will put us in a good mindset for the rest of the day. We get addicted to negativity and negative thoughts, so focusing on the good will reduce levels of negativity. Following the 3:1 ratio of 3 positives to 1 negative will make us feel better overall. Focus on what is going right, not what is going wrong and it is important not to compare ourselves to others. I learned that we can change our state of mind in an instant. With the right input, we can change from negative to positive, sad to happy. Positivity keeps us motivated, it is just down to good habits. Feelings such as fear, what others think about us, change and failure are some things that hold us back. We should work on our thoughts and be the sort of people we want others to be attracted to. Successful people have endless energy and they overcome their challenges.

The next important habit I learned is having a goal to work towards. If we see what we want and focus on it, we will achieve it. Every morning and evening we should write down any goals we have so we are revisiting them every day. Each day, we need to work on something that takes us closer to our goals. If it does not take us towards our goals, we should not bother with it.

Being persistent is a great skill for success. If we fail, we should embrace the failure and keep moving on. If we stop, we will not achieve what we want. If we put ourselves first, we will become better people. This does not mean neglecting others and treating them badly, it is about taking a little time for ourselves each day to meditate, relax or do something we really enjoy so we have the energy to keep going.

Taking action is essential for achieving results. If we do not act, we will not do the work to achieve the results. Act every day towards achieving.

Belief will motivate us. If we believe we can have it all and decide greatness is our destiny, in time we will achieve what we want. We also have to know what we want and why we want it.

Every day I am going to follow this routine:

Listen to Dave O’Connor’s Blueprint Course,

Write things I am grateful for in my gratitude journal,

Do a little personal development reading,

Revisit my goals and write them down,

Walk in nature,

Review the good things that happened throughout the day.

O’Connor, D. (2017). Mindset Momentum One Day Event.

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Values

I have learned something very important about how we all think and look at life. We all value things differently. We have different ideas about values in our life that are important to us and how we prioritise them.

For me, I have spent time thinking what is important to me. I must understand what I value in order that I grow.

I have come up with a list of 10 words that best describe what I value:

Peace, security, freedom, relationships, comfort, achievement, rewards, flexibility, satisfaction and balance.

These values describe the sort of person I am.

I will explain in more detail the items on my list.

Peace

Peace to me is about living a balanced life of work and play, it means the chance to relax and spend time with family and friends. It is about living with a little amount of stress as possible, being healthy, having a clear mind and feeling happy and fulfilled.

Security

Security is about being free from debt, having stability, feeling safe and protected. It is about having confidence, feeling positive and having peace of mind.

Freedom

For me, freedom is about having time to spend doing the things I love, being able to relax, having flexibility with my work and living a balanced life.

Relationships

Relationships are important to me because it gives me a sense of belonging, help and support from others if I need them and vice versa, feeling protected and happy. Having people to share my life with and have their loyalty. It is also about keeping the good people in my life and keeping the bad out.

Comfort

Comfort is about having a roof over my head, having financial independence, money to spend on recreation, having holidays and good health. Comfort is about having the little extras in life to enjoy.

Achievement

Achievement is feeling good about something I have earned through hard work and effort. This is important because of the rewards I will receive as a result of the achievement.

Rewards

Rewards for me are about gaining as a result of hard work and effort.

Flexibility

Being able to have a flexible working life is really important to me as I can work around my family commitments. I do not have to worry about fitting my life around my work but fitting my work around my life.

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is all about being grateful for everything that I have. My desires and needs are fulfilled. It gives me happiness and a feeling of contentment.

Balance

Balance is important so that I have equal time at work between doing the things I want and spending time with friends and family. I do not want to spend all my time working as it is not good for my health and to not spend too much time on recreation as I will not reap any rewards.


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To move forward and really know who we are, we need to think what we value the most. We all have different values and rate them of importance differently. We all live our lives by what we value.

The best way how to discover what our values are is to think of 10 values. List them in order of importance and think of words that describe each value and what each one means.

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Sooner or later…

via Daily Prompt: Later

Life gives us challenges from every direction. If life has taught me anything it is how short our lives are and we have to make the best out of the time we have. Sooner or later we have to decide to keep what is productive and loose what is not productive. So, no matter how big or small, why not make our mark and do something to improve our lives that we can be remembered for?

People have a bad habit of wasting time not making an effort to improve anything in life. The reality is, people are responsible for the problems in the world. We could achieve so much more solving problems rather than creating them. Everything in life can be turned into something for the better. We learn from problems which makes us stronger. If we are unable to change a problem or a situation, accept it and find something else to replace it with. If we loose a loved one, why not create a memorial for them, it could be something as simple as a scrapbook with pictures about their life.


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Keeping positive is great for our mental health. The world around us is so negative. Instead of feeding ourselves with negativity, we should spend time with people we love and have a laugh on a regular basis. Why not, it costs nothing.


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Never hold a grudge. We all make mistakes and see things differently. The best way is to come together and find a solution. If we miss the boat, we might never get another chance. If we are unable to find a solution, the best way is to just walk away. At the end of the day, life is too short for battles that do not have positive outcomes.


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It is important for us to fill our lives with things we enjoy. There are times when we have to do things we do not want to do, but if we spend time doing the things we love and balance it with our work, it makes our lives much more enjoyable.

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Does Luck Determine Our Success?

via Daily Prompt: Luck


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While working on my personal development I think to myself, does luck have a role to play in our success?

In my opinion, being lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time can make a difference. However, we can get plenty of opportunities being in the right place at the right time but do not do the work so we will fail. We can go through endless struggles, but through hard work we become successful. Being in the right place at the right time can make us successful more quickly, provided we work for it.

Success is about taking action. If we do not take action, we will not be successful. In order to achieve anything, we have to learn the necessary skills. Luck when taking action at the right time will increase our chances, but it does not mean that if we take action at a different time we will not achieve success. We have to become knowledgeable about our passions. Sometimes the action taken at a certain time does not give us success, but if we keep working at what we want, we will be successful, it is just a matter of time. Keep working until the right time comes along.

Being lucky enough to live a more privileged life can give us bigger opportunities and the money to work towards what we want to achieve, but again, if we do not work hard we will not achieve what we want.

Being lucky enough to have a natural positive attitude is great for success, but if we are not naturally positive, this is an area that can be worked on. Keeping positive when the right time comes will increase our chances of success, but if we do not have a positive attitude at that time, it can hold us back. Keeping a positive attitude at times of difficulty will increase our chances of success in the long run. Keep positive and things will fall into place. When we are positive this also improves our relationships with others. The way we view our situation has an impact on the outcome. Feeling sorry for ourselves does hold us back, but how well we pick ourselves up once we fall depends on our results. Sometimes it takes us many attempts at success until we achieve it.

So, I think becoming successful comes down to a variety of factors. The right time for success or we are ready for success, taking action and learning the skills to maintain our success, having the tools to succeed and a positive attitude. I do believe that the outcome of our life depends on the actions we take and the attitude we have.

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My Diary: Visit To Morocco

morocco15Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

My first visit to Morocco was a fantastic experience. It is a country with beautiful scenery, friendly people, wonderful culture and cuisine.

The flights were from Aberdeen to London, then London to Marrakesh. Then to drive over the Atlas mountains to Errachidia. The flights went pretty smoothly, just a short delay going from London to Marrakesh. The weather was good in the UK and Morocco. This visit was in February so it was not very hot. Probably the best time to go for a fist visit. However, it was sunny and warm the first few days we were in Morocco, more like a summer day in the UK.

My husband and I spent our first night in Marrakesh. The houses have a beautiful living space with a terrace where you can go out to sit or hang up washing.


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Marrakesh is full of restaurants and riads. The market in the Old Medina sells a wide variety of pottery, clothing, silver, etc. Just try to avoid being run over as there are bicycles and scooters everywhere.

Driving in Morocco is crazy. Drivers do not stick to their designated lane but drive down the middle and only move when they see a car coming in the opposite direction. When overtaking you have to flash your lights or sound your horn so the driver in front knows you are passing.

The mountains are very rocky. When driving over the mountains there are many places for tourists to stop. There are restaurants and an opportunity to purchase argan oil products as well as be shown how the argan oil is extracted. There was a lot of work going on in the mountain road as it was being widened so the road will be improved for tourism.

Berbers are the indigenous people of North Africa. They mainly inhabit the mountain areas of Morocco. The picture below shows how a small village has been built into the side of a mountain.

morocco1Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Below are some scenic views of the desert areas.

morocco17Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

morocco19Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

morocco18Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

morocco12Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

The houses are very basic, but they have everything you need. They are very cool inside in the summer and there is a chiminea inside to keep warm in the winter. Some have beds and others just have a mattress on the floor. Some houses have a toilet that is just a hole in the floor as in the picture below.


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Some of the houses have a separate wash house with a gas boiler to heat the water. You get a very hot shower.

The berber women make their own bread. It is often baked in a clay oven outside, an example in the picture below.


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All the food is prepared from scratch using different spices. Below is stuffed rabbit served with chips and salad.

morocco24Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Water is collected from a spring. There is running water in most houses, but it is not clean enough to drink. The water from the spring is fresh water which has come from the mountains.

The traditional moroccan mint tea is very strong and very sweet. It is a combination of green tea and mint leaves. The lump of sugar that is put in the tea is huge.


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On the way back to Marrakesh, the weather was colder and there was snow on the mountains. The scenery was really breathtaking.

morocco8Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

morocco5Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

morocco6Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

By the time we got back to Marrakesh there was a thunder storm and it was raining so our flight was delayed by a few hours. When we got back to London, the weather was still wet and windy and we could feel the aeroplane being blown on the runway.  I am not the best of flyers so it was pretty scary.

I enjoyed my visit and I hope to return to Morocco next year.

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My Diary: Birmingham Showcase


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My first visit to Birmingham in the UK was fantastic. Birmingham is a beautiful city full of shops, restaurants and canals. I had never been to Birmingham before and I did not realise there were so many canals going through the city. There are little bridges so people on foot can cross the canals. There are boats on the canal and these boats can be used for holidays, parties and some of them are restaurants. When holidaying in a boat on the canal, you can park your boat outside a restaurant to go in and have a meal.

I decided to splash out and travel first class to get to Birmingham as I had got a ticket that was quite cheap. I got lots of food such as a vegetable wrap, a banana, a panettoncino, all the tea I could drink and biscuits. It was also so quiet so I got peace to read my books.

My visit to Birmingham was for the New Year Showcase. The Showcase was amazing with people in the network marketing business telling their story of how they became successful. This was very inspiring. Some people had overcome great struggles to achieve success and improve their lives. Training was also available on how to work a network marketing business. This was of great help to me.

I went out for a meal after the Showcase with my friends in the business. It was great to catch up with everyone.

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My Diary: Motivation

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

Today, I have an overwhelming motivation to work harder to achieve one of my goals.

I am delivering business cards to houses in my city. Delivering business cards will give me new customers in new areas as well as give me new pupils for my music teaching. When I see all the lovely houses in Aberdeen, it gives me a good idea what house I am looking to buy in the future. I see things clearer than before. Seeing what I could buy inspires me to work harder.

I did not realise how many streets there are in Aberdeen. I walk down one street and it takes me to another street. There are so many houses I did not realise existed. Even though I have lived in Aberdeen all my life, there are streets I have not even walked or driven down. There are houses with beautiful gardens, lovely views, new houses and old houses.

I cannot photograph houses where people live, but the pictures below give me an idea of what I am looking for.

The houses below are a good size. They have their own grounds and all but one have a garage.


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I love old houses and new, but I think I prefer a new build house.

This last picture is the house I like the most. It is very unusual. It lets a lot of light in through the large windows. These windows can have blinds for more privacy if needed. There is plenty of garage space as there are three garages. I love the large balconies. Fantastic for when the weather is good. I can sit out on a lovely day and have my breakfast as I look over the garden. As it is a new house, it would not need very much maintenance as would be the case with an older property. It would be very well insulated so it would be easy to keep warm in the winter.

This picture will be put on my vision board.

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My Diary: Holiday Plans to Morocco

via Daily Prompt: Scent


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My holiday is planned for two weeks time. I am going to Morocco. I fly to London from Aberdeen, then London to Marrakesh. I get very nervous before getting on a plane. I do not enjoy it, but it will be worth it for the few hours so I can go to Morocco. Morocco is not that far from the UK.

It is my first holiday in I don’t know how long. I am going with my husband and the plan is to rent a car, see as much as we can as we are only going for eight days. I don’t think it will be long enough, but I will be visiting again. My husband is Moroccan so he knows all the good places to see. I am looking forward to spending time with in-laws.

Morocco is a mixture of Arabs, Berbers and Europeans. The country has desert, riads (Moroccan traditional houses), restaurants, hospitable people and great food, I have been told. I can smell the scent of spices in the air already. I am looking forward to hearing the call to prayer.