Work Ethic

Photo by Louise MacPherson

When I think what makes us successful in anything we do, I feel we have to have a good work ethic. Having the discipline to stay focused and keep a regular work schedule can be difficult, however, there are ways to help.

Do a little bit at a time. Taking time out each day to work on what we want to achieve is a great way to stay focused. Having short intervals of productive work is better than a long spell achieving very little.

Keep a diary. Keeping a diary with specific times when we wish to work is a good way to organise our day. Writing down plans for the day ahead means we are more likely to stick to it. We also know when we are going to do each task.

Do something each day. Work on a task each day as it keeps the momentum going. If we sit back one day, it makes it difficult for us to get back into the swing of things.

To not let distractions affect us. When something happens we should not let this throw us off track. Following our routine regardless of how things are that day keeps our momentum going.

Keep the belief that we will succeed. When we keep believing in ourselves, it keeps the correct mindset to work towards what we want. If we do not believe that we will succeed, we will not work towards our goals.

Plan ahead. When we plan, we know exactly what tasks to do and when. If we do not plan, we risk missing out important tasks for that day.

The Steps To Success

Photo by Louise MacPherson (Dec 2017)

Inspire

What do we want out of life? What are our goals? Having the urge to do something will help us decide and start to work towards what we want. Creating positive feelings helps us start the road towards our achievements. Feelings are the first step.

Motivate

Motivate ourselves into working towards our achievements and dreams. Having a reason to work towards goals and planning how to start achieving them. Planning is the second step.

Act

Taking action in order to achieve is essential to success and getting results. Not only taking action but taking the right action to get the right results. Success depends on how much we put into what we want. We will not achieve anything until we act. Action is the third step.

Succeed

Success is when we have taken the above steps and achieved what we want. This is the final step, a great feeling of accomplishment and we can reap our rewards.

Rise Above

If they can’t say anything that will help you grow:

Recognise negativity,

Ignore,

Stay positive,

End the conversation,

Accept who you are,

Believe in what you want,

Observe your own thoughts,

Visualise your dreams,

Embrace your future.

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Using Our Own Products

When selling products, there is a great advantage in having a passion and interest in what we sell. Learning that they work and that we want to use them increases the belief for ourselves as well as the customer. We can comfortably sell products because we believe what we are saying about the product is true.


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If we use the products we sell ourselves, we will have a good knowledge of how they work and how to use them. We can describe the features and benefits of each product. For example, if we are selling a face cream and we use it ourselves, we are able to share our experiences of using the product. We will also have a knowledge of how it meets the needs of the customer. We can also back up what is claimed about the product.

Being able to show how products work gives our customers a feeling of trust towards us and we can be completely honest and upfront about how genuine they are. This provides a better service to customers and adds value to our business.

For me, I have a great passion and interest in the products that I sell. If there is something I need for the house or cosmetics, I use my own products. The reason is I believe they work and do what they say. I will not sell a product I do not believe in.

Getting customers to review products they have bought gives me a feeling of satisfaction that the customer is happy with their purchase. It also gives me an insight into the products I have not yet had a chance to use myself. After all, I want customers to be happy and satisfied with the products they buy.


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Personality Disorders: The Psychopath

When studying about different personality disorders, I have learned that Psychopaths are not all dangerous and are not all criminals. Not all criminals are psychopaths. Psychopaths among us can have very successful careers and live very successful lives.

There are different traits of the Psychopath:

  • They are very charming and are very intelligent.
  • They are never shy around others.
  • Everything is about them.
  • They are easily bored and find that they need to have constant stimulation.
  • They are pathological liars, that manipulate and con others.
  • They lack good sense and judgement.
  • They have no guilt, remorse, are callous, without empathy, shallow emotions and are unable to feel love.
  • They have poor control of their tempers.
  • They indulge in sexual promiscuity.
  • They never take responsibility.
  • They feel they are special and superior to others.
  • They are always seeking gratification and reward.

What causes Psychopathy?

The causes of Psychopathy can be due to a number of factors. Childhood experiences and genetics such as deformities in the brain associated with emotions. Psychopathy can start as early as childhood. People who indulge in theft, vandalism, bullying and substance abuse are more likely to be or become psychopaths.

Psychopathy explained:

Psychopaths are very false and superficial. They charm people around them and they use this charm to get what they want. Everything in life is about them, what they want, what they need and they lie and manipulate others into getting what they want. They control others for personal gain and feel no guilt or remorse for this. They are actually unable to connect with other people emotionally and do not care about the needs of others. They are unable to control their temper and it is obvious from bouts of verbal or physical abuse. They are very easily annoyed, irritated and impatient with others. The impulsiveness of the psychopath leads them to take action without thinking, they also can have multiple sexual partners. Sexual partners are more of an ego boost or a conquest to them because they never feel any love or affection for the people they are intimately involved with. When they make mistakes, they will never accept responsibility and they certainly never learn from them. The grandiose view of themselves makes them think they are superior to others and they deserve better than others.

Dealing with a Psychopath:

When dealing with a psychopath it depends on the degree of the condition. It also depends on how involved we are with that person. If they cause significant harm, cutting ties is the best option. They are very clever and can manipulate into seeing that the victim is the bad person and not them. Protecting ourselves is vital as well as getting the support and help we need.


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Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 2 to chapter 5.

What I Have Learned So Far

Through my journey of personal development, I have learned so much about life and people. It is amazing how learning about human behaviour and how I look at life affects how I cope. Dealing with life before my journey was full of confusion and negativity.

I have learned that I can’t change or control the people around me. People are going to act the way they are going to act. I can’t control how they behave, it is totally out of my hands. I can only control how I feel and react. I know that when people behave in a certain way it is not necessarily anything to do with me but how they feel. I also have learned to deal with people. If I have a relationship with a person that is very difficult, sometimes it is best to walk away. I could spend my life trying to keep people happy, however, it will not change things. Being true to myself is so important.


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Focusing on my own life and goals will lead me to the right path. This gives me something to work towards. Keeping feeding my mind with the right information will lead me to what I want and will give me a positive view of life. Positive thinking is essential. This way I will have very few bad days. When things go wrong I need to keep moving forward and not look back and dwell on it.


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Trying new things and moving out of my comfort zone will give me the confidence to build the lifestyle I want. This will remove any fear and uncertainty that I carry. If I try something and it does not work, there is always plan B, that I have learned from it and can move forward with a different path.


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Believing in myself and working towards my goals is a difficult area for me. I think we all loose belief now and again, it is difficult to think that something exists if it has not happened yet. If I keep believing, I will take the right action towards my goals.


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Action is important for results. Belief will not get me what I want without taking action towards it. Once I have achieved what I want I will have created the foundation for the life I want. The rewards might seem small to start but over time they will grow. It is about taking the right action in the right direction.

These steps will create happiness, health and a good future. Working on improving my weaknesses in these areas will improve my life greatly.

Personality Disorders: The Sociopath

Sociopaths are not all criminals and are not all violent. They are also not necessarily dangerous. Some people have traits of a sociopath that play a very productive part of society such as being confident, not conforming to social norms and thinking independently. However, there are more destructive traits that the sociopath possesses.


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The characteristics of a person which might suggest they are a sociopath:

  • Do they use people on a regular basis?
  • Do they not have any consideration for others?
  • Do they take from others all the time?
  • Do they constantly lie?
  • Are they always looking for pity and for people to feel sorry for them?
  • Do they take advantage of another person’s kindness?
  • Do they make people feel guilty?
  • Do they get bored easily?
  • Are they very charming?
  • Do they always seek stimulation?
  • Do they use flattery?
  • Do they feel they are entitled to things and that others owe them?
  • Do they blame others for their mistakes?
  • Do they acknowledge any faults or mistakes they have or have made?

If we know someone who has many of these characteristics, it is not a good relationship to be in.

Sociopaths are very charming. They have an over the top sexual appetite and use sex to relieve their boredom. They often engage in risky behaviour. They betray people because they lack any feelings of guilt, shame and remorse. They can be threatening and can harm others. They are very interested in themselves and are great liars. When they deceive others it is a form of power and control for them which they thrive on. They are very intelligent people and often they have a high IQ. They can use this to manipulate others. They lack feelings of balanced people such as love, compassion, conscience, shame and guilt. They do not admit to any of their faults and they love to wear a mask. They will do anything to avoid being confronted and for people to find out the real person.

What causes a person to be a sociopath?

The wiring in the brain is different from the rest of the population. It is not really known what causes a sociopath because they come from all walks of life. There does not seem to be a link to the kind of childhood they had.

Their Goals

The goals of a sociopath are to get whatever they want at any cost, even at the expense of others. What they want can include:

Money

They will manipulate another person to get it, make them feel loved and most likely never ask directly for it. They want things handed to them for free. They live off others because they feel they are entitled to it.

Sex

Sociopaths crave stimulation. They often use sex to relieve boredom. Lasting relationships with them rarely happens and can have multiple relationships at a time. It is entertainment for them.

To get something from another person

They will often use people to do things for them. They will not engage in a relationship unless they get something out of it. They use lying, manipulation and deception to get what they want.

Status and image

This is very important to the sociopath, they want to hide their true nature and they want to be in relationships with people that will heighten their status. They will use these people to cover up their true self. They will go to the lengths of spreading lies to destroy the credibility of others to make them look good.

Control

They love to dominate. They manipulate and deceive others to stay in control. They want to feel superior and will harm others to get this. They hate to lose control and be exposed. People are possessions to them and they can be very paranoid, jealous and possessive.

They always want to win

They take great pleasure out of seeing others fail.

 

Dealing with a sociopath

Normal people have a natural connection to other people. This is because they share the same feelings of the ups and downs of life. When normal people hurt each other, they feel guilty. Sociopaths do not have these feelings.

When dealing with sociopaths it is best to seek help from a professional. Stopping the contact with a harmful person is sometimes the only option. They will continue to manipulate. They will isolate a victim from others and say what they want to portray that it is not them that has the issues. It is best that they know as little about a person as possible. This way they cannot use the victims’ strengths and weaknesses against them and sociopaths are very good at spotting a person’s strengths and weaknesses. Their nature cannot be changed as they do not believe that there is anything wrong with them. They cannot be cured as their brains are wired differently.

Final thought

As I said before, sociopaths are not all criminals. Some people have mild traits and do not commit crimes. However, if a relationship is harmful and destructive it is better to give a wide birth to find peace because there is nothing you can do to change them.

Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 6 to chapter 10.


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Personality Disorders: The Narcissist

Understanding different personalities help us protect ourselves, teaches us how to deal with people who have these personalities and how they might affect our lives.

Narcissism is actually very common to some degree, but it depends how it affects daily life.

We have to think:

  • How do we react to criticism? Do we go on the defence and justify the criticism? OR Do we learn from mistakes and experience?
  • How do we behave towards how others feel? Are we considerate? OR Do we gloat on our superiority and criticise that person?
  • How do we view ourselves? Do we recognise our faults? OR Do we feel we have no faults or do not recognise them?
  • What do we look to achieve in life? Do we work towards selfless goals and have positive plans for the future? OR Do we want constant attention and drama in our lives?
  • How do we treat others? Do we work towards what we want with consideration for others? OR Do we exploit others to get what we want?
  • How do we feel about ourselves? Do we feel equal to others? OR Do we feel we are entitled to special treatment and that we are better than those around us?

We all have a certain amount of narcissism in us but it depends on how harmful it is to the people around us.

The person who is a Narcissist is focused on themselves through vanity. They are only interested in their own physical and intellectual characteristics. It is very high levels of self-confidence but underneath are very insecure and feel threatened by others achievements. They lack the compassion and humility of normal, balanced people. They are defensive towards others, especially if their self-esteem has been threatened by someone and as a result, they will become hostile to that person. It is very destructive to society and the people around them.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

We can all have traits of narcissism but with Narcissistic Personality Disorder it is more severe and the Narcissist damages their relationships with the people around them. They think they are the most important people in the world who deserve special treatment. They think they are the only priority because they feel they are more important and they should be dealt with first. They are always seeking attention and appreciation from others. What really scares me the most and is very dangerous about one of the traits, they have a total lack of empathy for others. They manipulate people and treat other people in a negative way. An example of this lack of empathy could be being critical towards another person, maybe because of a haircut that the Narcissist does not like, the person being criticised tells the Narcissist that they have hurt their feelings and rather than the Narcissist reflecting or apologising for their actions they disregard the victims feelings because they feel that the haircut hurts their feelings and not the victims as they don’t like it. They are very selfish, manipulative and too self-assertive. Assertiveness is about putting your point across without being aggressive, having reflection and respecting others. However, the Narcissist is aggressive in putting their point across and they put others down to make themselves look better. It is about jealousy, competition and comparison. An extreme Narcissist denies or is unaware of their condition so they will not seek treatment.

What causes Narcissism?

It is not fully known what causes Narcissism, however, there are a few factors that could be the cause such as genetic, parenting, society and culture.

How To Identify A Narcissist

These are the qualities that identify a Narcissist:

  • They have very extremes of self-confidence, self-absorption and self-praise.
  • They manipulate others to get what they want.
  • They brag about things in their life if they have nothing to brag about they become angry and hostile towards others.
  • They hang around the people who agree with them, give them praise and admiration.
  • They are snobs who put others down and talk behind their backs.
  • They are unaware of their extreme behaviour as they are unable to reflect.
  • They think their behaviour is acceptable and find it difficult when someone does not like them or does not agree with them.
  • They manipulate others to achieve their goals and to cover up their real selves. Once they have got what they want out of you, you get dismissed and they will not want anything to do with you.
  • They don’t like criticism. If you criticise them they will become very hostile. Some will accept this face on but will be very bitter about it underneath.
  • They will not spend time with people unconditionally, they are more likely to spend time with people they get something out of. They want to satisfy their own selfish desires.
  • They are very judgmental.
  • Have a very jealous nature.
  • They are hostile and aggressive if they are criticised or fail at something.
  • They are the focus of every conversation and take over.
  • They always want to feel superior.

The patterns of behaviour with a Narcissist and a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are the extremes. People with a healthy self-esteem will get success in life such as getting jobs and accomplishments but they consider other peoples feelings and help others. They have self-respect. Most people who have their feelings hurt don’t act out with anger and rage. Healthy people are not cruel to people if they do not give them what they want. Healthy people do not exploit others, do not gossip spread and start rumours that will harm other people’s reputations. Healthy people do not act the victim and they accept responsibility for their mistakes.


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How To Deal With A Narcissist

Dealing with a Narcissist is very difficult. If it causes significant harm the best way is to spend little time as possible with them or walk out of the relationship altogether. A good way to deal with them is to have compassion. In the end, the Narcissist has feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred towards themselves. However, this does not mean allowing them to do what they want to you. Having an attitude that is non-responsive is best. Narcissists love drama so don’t give it to them. Give them genuine praise on the qualities they do have. Be more docile in criticism. Don’t demand or expect support as a Narcissist is unable to provide it. Offer them support and a way to get help. However, some Narcissists do not recognise they have a problem so this is easier said than done. Above all keep your emotions neutral and give no emotional reaction. Keep your dignity and don’t sink to their level, leave them to look stupid.

My final point is that most people have some mild levels of Narcissism, however, this does not mean they are a Narcissist or have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It comes down to how extreme is their behaviour. If they have no empathy towards others, take great enjoyment out of harming others and are unable to recognise this, we have to consider how much time we want to spend with this person.

Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 11 to chapter 14.

My Diary: Having Good Habits for Success

I have returned from a fantastic training event with Dave O’Connor. It was a one-day event so I took the opportunity to attend to learn great habits for my business.


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The first habit I learned was having good self-talk. If we think every morning how we want to be that day, it will put us in a good mindset for the rest of the day. We get addicted to negativity and negative thoughts, so focusing on the good will reduce levels of negativity. Following the 3:1 ratio of 3 positives to 1 negative will make us feel better overall. Focus on what is going right, not what is going wrong and it is important not to compare ourselves to others. I learned that we can change our state of mind in an instant. With the right input, we can change from negative to positive, sad to happy. Positivity keeps us motivated, it is just down to good habits. Feelings such as fear, what others think about us, change and failure are some things that hold us back. We should work on our thoughts and be the sort of people we want others to be attracted to. Successful people have endless energy and they overcome their challenges.

The next important habit I learned is having a goal to work towards. If we see what we want and focus on it, we will achieve it. Every morning and evening we should write down any goals we have so we are revisiting them every day. Each day, we need to work on something that takes us closer to our goals. If it does not take us towards our goals, we should not bother with it.

Being persistent is a great skill for success. If we fail, we should embrace the failure and keep moving on. If we stop, we will not achieve what we want. If we put ourselves first, we will become better people. This does not mean neglecting others and treating them badly, it is about taking a little time for ourselves each day to meditate, relax or do something we really enjoy so we have the energy to keep going.

Taking action is essential for achieving results. If we do not act, we will not do the work to achieve the results. Act every day towards achieving.

Belief will motivate us. If we believe we can have it all and decide greatness is our destiny, in time we will achieve what we want. We also have to know what we want and why we want it.

Every day I am going to follow this routine:

Listen to Dave O’Connor’s Blueprint Course,

Write things I am grateful for in my gratitude journal,

Do a little personal development reading,

Revisit my goals and write them down,

Walk in nature,

Review the good things that happened throughout the day.

O’Connor, D. (2017). Mindset Momentum One Day Event.

Values

I have learned something very important about how we all think and look at life. We all value things differently. We have different ideas about values in our life that are important to us and how we prioritise them.

For me, I have spent time thinking what is important to me. I must understand what I value in order that I grow.

I have come up with a list of 10 words that best describe what I value:

Peace, security, freedom, relationships, comfort, achievement, rewards, flexibility, satisfaction and balance.

These values describe the sort of person I am.

I will explain in more detail the items on my list.

Peace

Peace to me is about living a balanced life of work and play, it means the chance to relax and spend time with family and friends. It is about living with a little amount of stress as possible, being healthy, having a clear mind and feeling happy and fulfilled.

Security

Security is about being free from debt, having stability, feeling safe and protected. It is about having confidence, feeling positive and having peace of mind.

Freedom

For me, freedom is about having time to spend doing the things I love, being able to relax, having flexibility with my work and living a balanced life.

Relationships

Relationships are important to me because it gives me a sense of belonging, help and support from others if I need them and vice versa, feeling protected and happy. Having people to share my life with and have their loyalty. It is also about keeping the good people in my life and keeping the bad out.

Comfort

Comfort is about having a roof over my head, having financial independence, money to spend on recreation, having holidays and good health. Comfort is about having the little extras in life to enjoy.

Achievement

Achievement is feeling good about something I have earned through hard work and effort. This is important because of the rewards I will receive as a result of the achievement.

Rewards

Rewards for me are about gaining as a result of hard work and effort.

Flexibility

Being able to have a flexible working life is really important to me as I can work around my family commitments. I do not have to worry about fitting my life around my work but fitting my work around my life.

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is all about being grateful for everything that I have. My desires and needs are fulfilled. It gives me happiness and a feeling of contentment.

Balance

Balance is important so that I have equal time at work between doing the things I want and spending time with friends and family. I do not want to spend all my time working as it is not good for my health and to not spend too much time on recreation as I will not reap any rewards.


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To move forward and really know who we are, we need to think what we value the most. We all have different values and rate them of importance differently. We all live our lives by what we value.

The best way how to discover what our values are is to think of 10 values. List them in order of importance and think of words that describe each value and what each one means.