Choice of Words

During my journey of personal development, I have learned how much the choice of words used influences the way we think.

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We grow up with negativity around us. As children, we have negative words constantly thrown at us, ‘do not do that’, ‘that is wrong’ and ‘no’. We are also bombarded with this in the media. We are unaware of how much we are influenced. We should be using words such as, ‘it would be better if you…’, ‘you could…’ and ‘this is better… because’. The idea is to explain how to do something correctly and say why something is wrong in a constructive way rather than just using a negative phrase or word. It programs our minds in the right direction as well as giving us an understanding of how to improve ourselves and our actions.

How we use language affects how we think. If we are constantly being exposed to the negative, our inner voice will be negative, if we are exposed to the positive, our inner voice will be positive. It is very difficult today because the environment around us is negative, however, it is best for us to learn how to deal with our environment and to let it influence us as little as possible.

Positive words lead us to positive thinking. It is best to feed our minds with good. If we always think positive, we will be less likely to have bad days. Everyone has problems that come up from time to time, but it is how we deal with them is what determines how well we cope. Positive thinking helps us cope through the bad times. If we think negatively we are going to struggle each time a problem arises.


Think Before We Speak And Act

My experiences of life have taught me many things. One of the most important lessons is using my head. I have never felt good or proud of myself for saying or doing something negative to someone else. We take our relationships with others for granted. If we actually thought and experienced being on our own and having no one to support us through our ups and downs, share our life with, people to chat and have fun with, we would think a lot harder about the things we say and do. We need to think about how we behave affects our relationships and the society around us.

We are all guilty of saying things we should not say and doing things we should not do, after all, we are human. However, we must make an effort to learn from our mistakes and think about the consequences of our actions. I am not necessarily saying that we must stay in destructive relationships. There is no doubt that we must free ourselves from harm because it will not benefit us down the line, but we must not cause unnecessary harm. We must also remember that healthy relationships have boundaries. Be good to people, but we should not allow them to abuse us. We have to learn to respect each other as well as ourselves because it is important that we have healthy functioning relationships and a healthy society.

Thinking before we speak or take action does not mean that we stay quiet. It is about getting balance. If we are being harmed we need to speak up to sort the problem. There is a difference between speaking up to sort a problem than to saying and doing things harmful to someone because we are angry, jealous or resentful. If we do not sort problems they will continue.

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Life is very short and we should spend it learning to grow and make our societies a better place for our children. If we do not do this, what future do we have? We are not an island and we need the companionship of others.

Treating others badly has to be thought about carefully. Why would we want to anyway? We have to think about the sort of people we are if we take pleasure in doing this. We are not able to take back the things we do or say, however, there is always a chance for forgiveness and a chance to repair the damage, but it might take some time and we could have permanently ruined the relationship. It also damages society so think carefully.

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My final thoughts are that I have learned greatly from my experiences whether they are good or bad. People who have treated me unfairly or been unkind to me have made me grow. I chose to turn the bad experiences around and learn from them, they have made me stronger. People who have stood by me, who have been supportive and good to me have given me a sense of belonging and companionship. The more I learn from my mistakes, the better person I become. The better person I become, it allows me to cope better with the challenges of life. Relationships with good people are very important. Respect is important because without this we loose our worth as human beings.

I always think to myself before I speak or act:

  • Am I being fair and honest?
  • How will my words or actions affect the other person?
  • How will my words or actions affect the relationship?
  • Will it make my relationship better or will it destroy it for good?
  • What are my reasons for taking action?
  • Am I just being resentful, jealous or angry and not doing it for the right reasons?

Personality Disorders: The Sociopath

Sociopaths are not all criminals and are not all violent. They are also not necessarily dangerous. Some people have traits of a sociopath that play a very productive part in society such as being confident, not conforming to social norms and thinking independently. However, there are more destructive traits that the sociopath possesses.

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The characteristics of a person which might suggest they are a sociopath:

  • Do they use people on a regular basis?
  • Do they not have any consideration for others?
  • Do they take from others all the time?
  • Do they constantly lie?
  • Are they always looking for pity and for people to feel sorry for them?
  • Do they take advantage of another persons kindness?
  • Do they make people feel guilty?
  • Do they get bored easily?
  • Are they very charming?
  • Do they always seek stimulation?
  • Do they use flattery?
  • Do they feel they are entitled to things and that others owe them?
  • Do they blame others for their mistakes?
  • Do they acknowledge any faults or mistakes they have or have made?

If we know someone who has many of these characteristics, it is not a good relationship to be in.

Sociopaths are very charming. They have an over the top sexual appetite and use sex to relieve their boredom. They often engage in risky behaviour. They betray people because they lack any feelings of guilt, shame and remorse. They can be threatening and can harm others. They are very interested in themselves and are great liars. When they deceive others it is a form of power and control for them which they thrive on. They are very intelligent people and often they have a high IQ. They can use this to manipulate others. They lack feelings of balanced people such as love, compassion, conscience, shame and guilt. They do not admit to any of their faults and they love to wear a mask. They will do anything to avoid being confronted and for people to find out the real person.

What causes a person to be a sociopath?

The wiring in the brain is different from the rest of the population. It is not really known what causes a sociopath because they come from all walks of life. There does not seem to be a link to the kind of childhood they had.

Their Goals

The goals of a sociopath is to get what ever they want at any cost, even at the expense of others. What they want can include:

MoneyThey will manipulate another person to get it, make them feel loved and most likely never ask directly for it. They want things handed to them for free. They live off others because they feel they are entitled to it.


Sociopaths crave stimulation. They often use sex to relieve boredom. Lasting relationships for them rarely happens and can have multiple relationships at a time. It is entertainment for them.

To get something from another person

They will often use people to do things for them. They will not engage in a relationship unless they get something out of it. They use lying, manipulation and deception to get what they want.

Status and image

This is very important to the sociopath, they want to hide their true nature and they want to be in relationships with people that will heighten their status. They will use these people to cover up their true self. They will go to the lengths of spreading lies to destroy the credibility of others to make them look good.


They love to dominate. They manipulate and deceive others to stay in control. They want to feel superior and will harm others to get this. They hate to loose control and be exposed. People are possessions to them and they can be very paranoid, jealous and possessive.

They always want to win

They take great pleasure out of seeing others fail.

Dealing with a sociopath

Normal people have a natural connection to other people. This is because they share the same feelings of the ups and downs of life. When normal people hurt each other, they feel guilty. Sociopaths do not have these feelings.

When dealing with sociopaths it is best to seek help from a professional. Stopping the contact with a harmful person is sometimes the only option. They will continue to manipulate. They will isolate a victim from others and say what they want to portray that it is not them that has the issues. It is best that they know as little about a person as possible. This way they cannot use the victims strengths and weaknesses against them and sociopaths are very good at spotting a persons strengths and weaknesses. Their nature cannot be changed as they do not believe that there is anything wrong with them. They cannot be cured as their brains are wired differently.

Final thought

As I said before, sociopaths are not all criminals. Some people have mild traits and do not commit crimes. However, if a relationship is harmful and destructive it is better to give a wide birth to find peace because there is nothing you can do to change them.

Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 6 to chapter 10.

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