Effective Communication

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How we communicate with others is very important.  We are all capable of influencing the actions of others around us.  It is just a matter of using it to our benefit or disadvantage. Here are some important points to learn when speaking to other people.

Our physical actions express our mental attitude.  If we are in a situation that is going to escalate into an argument the best way is to lower our tone of voice.  Keep it soft and this will calm the other speaker and encourage them to keep their voice soft too.  If both speakers shout at each other, it will just escalate into an argument.  We tend to mirror behaviour.  If someone smiles at us we smile back.  When we are enthusiastic it gives other people confidence.  A confident handshake shows we are feeling confident.

Set the stage on how we want our conversation to develop.  If we want to be informal, start off informal and if we want to be more formal, start formal.  Do not put on an act. If we do, this means we do not think highly of ourselves.  Every time we judge, people will judge us.  Never use negative talk, people do not like it, we are also setting ourselves up for a negative conversation.

It is important to develop an attractive personality using acceptance, approval and appreciation.  The first is acceptance.  This is very important in all relationships. Accepting people as they are will give us the power and freedom to change our behaviour for the better.  We will never develop close relationships with other people if we do not accept them as they are.  Approval allows us to find something in others worth approving.  People love to gain approval because it means they have something in them that we like.  Appreciation allows us to value other people.  People love to be recognised for their worth.

Being able to express ourselves in words is the secret to happiness.  When we do this well we are able to express our desires, disappointments and ideas to other people.  When speaking to people, do not worry about being perfect.  It is just about having a conversation with someone.  People often worry about being dull and boring in a conversation.  If we do not try too hard, we will probably discover that we are being a really interesting conversationalist.  Asking questions about where people are from or if they have a family, gives them the chance to talk about themselves. We should ask further questions on the facts they provide us with.  For example, if they say they have children, we can ask them, ‘How many?’ and ‘What are their names?’ Save talking about ourselves until we are asked.  Finding things we have in common creates a bond.  Keep the conversation positive and do not tease the other speaker.  It can be a fun way of showing affection, but it can damage someones self-esteem.  Teasing is only effective with someone we know really well.

Listening to others is a very effective form of communication.  It makes the speaker feel that we are interested in them.  They will also tell us what they want and we learn what they are like as a person.  If we know what they want, need and understand who they are, we can deal with them effectively.  If we listen to people, it increases their self-esteem and pays them a great compliment that we are genuinely interested in them.

There are times that arise when we need to get others to accept our viewpoint.  Do not use pressure by ridicule.  Listen to their ideas first, we need to remember to not be pushy with our ideas.  Take time to pause before answering.  It lets the speaker know we are really thinking about what they are saying.  Acknowledge other peoples ideas and find some point where we can both agree.  Be accurate in stating our case and do not exaggerate.  Agree with their argument and change the picture by showing them new information if they do not agree.

Compliment people, it helps us get along with others and we must make sure we are sincere about it.  It does not matter how big or small.  Also, thank them.  It makes people realise how much we appreciate them. When we look for good things in others it boosts our own happiness.  It helps us see people in a more positive way and makes us more tolerant and considerate towards others.

Criticism is used when it is necessary.  It must be constructive and done in privacy.  Do it in a kind way by highlighting things they do well and how they can do something better. The act has to be criticised, not the person.  Ask them for cooperation and correct only once.  Finish in a way that lets them feel we know they can do it and do it well.

Les Giblin, 2001. The Art Of Dealing With People. (Chapters four to eleven), Edition. Les Giblin.


Humanity and Self-Pity

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What is it like to be human?   I have learned so much about the human race in the short time I have been working on personal development.  Humans seem to be naturally negative, self-indulgent and destructive.  We focus on the bad when we should focus on the good.  Yes, bad things happen in the world but we must not let it rule our lives.  We can’t always control things that happen, but we can change our attitude to it.

I came across a therapist, author and motivational speaker called Sean Stephenson when I was browsing facebook.  He has come through so much in his life and become a successful man.  He teaches that the only prison we have is in our mind.  He explains why some rich and famous peoples lives are still a mess.  It is the way they think.

In a recent Q&A session about how to cure our insecurities, Sean mentions what people usually focus on.  This is called FED: Fears, Envies and Dislikes.  Fears are what we don’t want, Envies are what we don’t have and Dislikes are what we don’t like, our complaints. We need to focus on the positive and become GAP: Goals, Appreciations and Preferences. Goals are what we want, Appreciations are what we have and Preferences are what we like.  Sean teaches ways to get from FED to GAP.  These are; spend time with people who’s values you admire, lifestyle you want and people that need your support, because it feels great to give something back to society.  I am not a person that sits watching the news.  I occasionally read the newspaper to catch up with what is going on in the world, but not very often because it focuses on the world being bad and if we feed ourselves this all the time we will continue to crave it because it is all we think that exists (“Q&A With Sean”) .

We are all on this earth for such a short time and we have to make the most of it while we are here.  I was a person who focused on the world being a bad place, but now I am going to focus on it being a good place. After all, there are lots of wonderful things in the world to appreciate.

“Q&A With Sean”. Sean Stephenson Ridding the World of Insecurity. N.p., 2016. Print.


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The idea of success is different for everyone.  The main reasons for failure are not being able to deal with other people.  We all must learn to deal with people so the ego of both parties remains intact.

In order that you gain respect from others, you should not take things by force or by begging.  When a person has their ego damaged, they act in an irrational and destructive way. On the other hand, when their ego is protected, people will react in ways which are noble. Everyone feels the need to defend their individual personality.  Every person is important and the ways to be more tolerant and less critical of others is to get over your own insecurities and discontentment.  When self-esteem is high, it is really easy to get along with other people, when it is low, anyone and everything around you is a threat.

Ways to boost ego is through praise and genuine compliments.  This helps people like themselves better.  Acting in a courteous and polite manner are ways to recognise others.  If a person is constantly told they are worthless, over time they will not maintain their dignity and worth.  Things that seem little and unimportant that are repeated over and over can have an adverse affect on human relations.  Ways to make someone feel important are; see everyone as important because at the end of the day people are important and interesting, pay attention to other people, resist the temptation to compete with others as we do not want to make others feel small so we can feel larger and to know when to correct others, do not do it if it does not solve any real problems.

Les Giblin, 2001. The Art Of Dealing With People. (Chapters One to Three), Edition. Les Giblin.

The Importance of Meetings

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My first meeting was a wonderful experience.  It has taken me so long to understand the importance of attending meetings when we are building a business in Network Marketing and any business, group or organisation.

The first thing I noticed was the friendly and warm atmosphere. It was like a family and I did not feel isolated.  I was made to feel part of the team as everyone gave each other support. I met friends that I have known for years online through attending webinars, but never met them face to face. It was lovely to be in such a positive environment when the world around us is so negative.

It was also a lovely chance to have a short break and get away. I had to travel to Bolton to the meeting, but I visited a new city I have never visited before. I am looking forward to attending my next meeting and meeting more new faces.

When we attend meetings, we learn new ideas how to run our business by talking to others. We also keep up to date with the latest information. We get hands on support because we can ask questions. When we attend the webinars (which are meetings done online using conferencing suites), we can ask questions, but it is very one-way because it is more difficult to raise a concern online than it is in person. When we speak to someone in person it is more two-way support due to the more intimate contact. Meeting people face to face gives us a better idea what they are like as a person due to the use of body language and mannerisms. This builds stronger relationships. All the successful people attend meetings and it is important to mix with the successful people so we can learn from them. We can all share each others ideas, share important information, raise any concerns, help each other with problems, support each other in our aspirations, get new goal ideas and gain inspiration in order to be more motivated. Future plans can be organised at a meeting and the opinions of everyone can be taken into account. Meetings can also be a wonderful social event for everyone involved.